Many are those who weep bearing precious seed. They carry and sow and no one knows. Yet what if above the field of pain and suffering God watched? What if God saw our need and saw our desire? What then would we do?

 For if God saw our need he also saw our hope. And hope was the base of life. It was the base of sea. It was the base of life as it was. And so what if in a dream I was part of a round group? That means a round table of those who fought to the point of overcoming? What if that day came in a while or wile of thought? What if in the dream I seemed to be overwhelmed with desire of one woman. And what if in the dream everyone seemed bent on destruction?

 What would you do to fight evil? How far would you go? Would you fight to the point of wrong? For if we as a nation fight for right we have to do so by doing what seems wrong. And that is where we break the commandment "Thou shalt not kill" only what if other things were lost? What if we had to break most of the commands of God? What do we then do?

 To remember this I thought of Corrigidor in the Philippines. I don't know of a recent movie about it. I just know I was there in 1991 or 2. It began my life into pain. It was around that time I grew sick and that sickness never really stopped. I grew ill and illness spread in me like a plague affecting every part of my body.

 It wasn't a plague of Corregidor but it was a plague of life. I fought with an evil spirit who wanted me dead. He wanted me played out and put me into a well of will and desire where I had to fight things I did not understand. And in the battle I fought with those I was called to help. And so the well of battle became the well of help. I grew in ability and wellness of life. I overcame. I fought to the point of will being stronger then evil.

Yet that will broke me in the heart. So God had to grant me a leave so I might win against a foe I could not see. He came after me with everything he could. Not just mentally but physically. I was hit by things I could not imagine yet were so real I felt the pain even as of today. Yet what was the purpose if not to help? Perhaps in the case of life we pray for will to fight with strength. The will to fight to the point of death. Only you wanted to kill. And it is that wish which God only heard me ask of today. For I saw one show which did inspire only it was of Big Trouble in Little China where Kurt Russell takes a knife meant to kill him and in a flip of chance passes it back at the one moment the evil spirited being was solid. It causes the man to die.

 Yet it was then that fate intervenes in the foe of life. He was the fat man who becomes bloated by holding onto his breath. That seems to be the inside man who explodes.

 So if these things are why I fight it is God who wanted me to advertise a heart that was willing to kill the enemy of my people. I was willing to go to war and see them die. And that perhaps is the where I am now. For if I really am willing to see the enemy die will I let it happen to those I love? For if I saw my brother die what would I do if I tried to reach him and could not? Would I trust God?

 For if my brother is to die I saw it in a way I tried to avoid reality by not writing down the dream. I prayed about it but I could not hold it. I could not release it. I could not let it go. For I had a promise of God that he would not die. And yet if the valley of the shadow of death knew no evil then it was the valley which was the day of the Lord. For God knew I love and care but if sin did to him what it did to me then it was sin in him which had to pass. And so that would be a way of seeing the end to this story. For God would come and slay him who looked like him but was not. For if there was a war in me for life then there was a war over me. And so I sin by acclimating myself to life as it were. I sin in this one thing. Only God doesn't hold it to me as sin but as help. And so I find it is in me to love.

Yet love is not life. And if I sin and ask forgiveness of life and hurt for those I hurt what do I do if they are wrong? Do I cast them off? Do I throw them out? Do I walk away? Or do I see it is God who gives me grace to stand amidst the pain and sin of this time?

 We are living in a way that is not right in the world. Our world is failing to find answers so we create them from scratch. And in the base of it we find that no one bites us. We find no one hits us. We find we can tell people anything and no one hears or sees.

 So it is this which is the bother of the heart. God has to deal with me in the sense of family. He is not ready that any should die but he is willing that we should live.

 It is this which is why I fight in prayer. For when I fight with prayer the knowledge I need is provided by them who are in Heaven. There are few areas not covered in prayer and that means if I see something different that no one follows I can follow to see where it leads. At times it goes into the strength of the enemy. And it is on a route no one has taken.

 That is why I fight. I walk day by day in prayer and in battle. And that battle is the will of me vs the will of man. Only man is about to get a lesson in humility. For the fire I felt last night was the fire of me in faith. Only I had overcome the nature of pain in me. And that meant God restored the part of me which had been hit down so hard it was nothing more then a whisper. It was the part I could not hear. The power of life and the power of prayer combining.

 That was the sea of life I felt in fire and in contact with me. In other words those people in hell had found one thing they wanted. Life. And that is the way it is for this Monday, November 12, 2007.

I'd like to welcome you to my website and page about me. I tend to be a little quiet and dare I say reserved? I enjoy photography, poetry, nature, rocks and fossils, garage sales, book and music collecting, research on the Net and off. And don't forget my passion for alternative homes, growing and watching things grow, technology and more. I am an American/Cana dian with distant roots in East Prussia. I've had one book published and its a family history of 150 pages. I've done missionary work in the Far East between 1986-1992 and have a special love for the Philippines and her people. I've held a multitude of jobs in such diverse fields as Disc Jockey, Cable TV, Horticulture, Historical Site guide, Driver and much more. At present I am working on two projects. One is images and artifacts I've discovered on Mars and the other is what I hope will become the Earth House Complex. I'd love to hear from anyone out there on any of the areas I've mentioned. You can write me at fossilman@hot mail.com

God bless.

Joel Akin