The Concept of Trust

April 1, 2004

Personal Narrations

Joel Akin

Calgary, Alberta

God has been dealing with me in the area of trust. Especially in the concept of letting go totally. The scripture 'lean not to your own understanding' sounds easy in concept but very difficult in practice. One would think after all these months I would have learned to 'let go and let God' but I'm learning there are still portions of my life that finds it nearly impossible to do so.

That may sound strange but understanding is a source of comfort to us. For example if a dentist were to have ten people show up whenever they wanted it would lead to great confusion and frustration. That is why you make appointments. But God doesn't work like that. He sets the time and place and so we have to relax and let Him work things out while life drills on our teeth.

Sounds easy in practice but its not. Especially when you are faced with a 'need to know'. It would be, as God explained to me, that you had a best friend in Hawaii who invited you to come visit. They told you about all the wonderful things you would do. So you wrote back and said you would love to go. And the letters went back and forth and your friend said, "spring".

So you reply, "I need a date and time so I can know when to come" and then you wait for that special answer.

But winter finishes and no answer. Spring arrives and the days begin to pass one by one.

So this is the way it is with God and I. I am waiting for that answer. I know that it appears to be God ordained and the season seems to point to this year and not some future spring. But as the days of spring pass you wonder what you should do. Should you plan for an answer? After all an answer is critical. You believe your friend has said 'this is the season'.

Understanding is based on natural sight and knowledge. So why does God say not to look to these things? I know in the cult world they tell you to empty your mind and thoughts. But that is not what this verse is saying. And in fact God is telling us to let go, recognize Him as the source of all answers, and the answers must come.

But as never before I am realizing how much courage and strength it takes to let go. The 'will' or "I will" continues to cling to what I can see, feel and touch.

What I do find most ironic is how I was complaining because teaching has been so scarce. Yet God reminded me this teaching is based on patience and learning to trust and stand firm on what I've heard.

As I learn this lesson I wish I could say "eureka, I've found it" but I know it is one that can only come by choice. I must chose to release and let God and allow Him to do things as He wishes.

I know this is not just faith or patience or even hope. In some ways it reminds me of the early Christians and their belief that Christ would return at any moment. They used the Phrase Maranatha with each other. It was their way to encourage one another. Nowadays we've forgotten so much of our Christian heritage. This is getting off the subject but if you think about it there really is not much of a Christian culture. It took Mel Gibson, someone outside the Christian system, to create a movie that had more impact on the world then just about anyone else. Why? I don't want to get into criticism here but I think we've forgotten how to be truly creative through the leading of the Holy Spirit. I say that not so much as individuals but more as the church culture. We celebrate preachers, teachers and singers, speakers and missionaries and maybe writers but there are thousands of other jobs that are treated as meaningless to the church.

This goes back to what God has been teaching me and showing me for my own life and why I long for that answer to come. I don't want to go back to the burdened person I was but towards His higher calling.

I was reading recently a well known preacher who said Christ could walk through walls after he rose from the dead only because he had a ressurected body. Something about it bothered me and I prayed about it. God indicated to me it was typical of the church putting him in a box. For if he could walk on water and work miracles could he not also walk through walls beforehand also? That is what God is teaching me. Not to presume or assume but to believe that with God all things are possible.

We live in a church that has lost sight because they lean on their own understanding. I am part of that church but I believe God is showing me their is a higher calling. A higher way of seeing. That no longer do I need to fear or worry but can rest in His arms and let go.

That is what it is all about. Letting go and resting but also accepting by faith that God will arrive on time...even if its not the time that I would chose as perfect.