Want some tea? Cause I'm boilin'

July 10, 2004

Personal Narrations

Joel Akin

Calgary, Alberta

The Dream-I found myself in a bad section of the city. A group of punks surrounded me and threw something at both my feet and then walked away laughing. I looked but didn't see anything at first and continued walking. Soon my feet began to hurt and I stopped at an outdoor grill and sat on a stool with the kindly owner watching. I began to pull razor blades out of my left foot. The blades went in deep, very deep. Soon I was ready to pull out the last blade and it went deeper then the rest but I resolutely pulled it out. To my horror the bottom of my foot dropped and was separated from the heel. I sat there stunned and in horror. I was crippled and not only that but my right foot still needed to be worked on.

 This is not the only time I have dreamed this exact situation. Each time I dream it God reveals a little more of the devastation caused by Satan in my life. And each time I see the effects of pain and suffering I find my anger towards the liar, thief and destroyer growing. So how did I get here?

To understand this one needs to see that most of us have walked in the proverbial bad part of the city. Sin is everywhere. It is in our nature, it is in the people around us both Christian and non-Christian. It is in our churches and schools, malls, on television, at the movies and anywhere that we allow Satan or his spirits access. Until you understand how far reaching sin is you can't understand its power over us.

Romans 3:10 As it is written, There is none righteous, no, not one:

Any righteousness that I might have comes through Christ and the blood He shed for me on the cross. Yet that sin nature remains in me and it is in me and it is in you to sin. Its part of our nature which we must fight against daily. And yet as we fight against sin and God begins to give us the victory we begin to see sin for what it is for one reason. Because God begins to reveal His nature to us. As we grow in grace and in the knowledge of Jesus Christ our eyes, which have been blinded by the god of this world, begin to open. And as God opens our eyes it is then that we can finally begin to see the devastating effect that sin has had on our life.

 Remember that a person doesn't see their own sin and their own failures until the Holy Spirit begins to reveal these things to us. So in the dream God was helping me remove those darts sent by the spirits of pain and suffering. Yet it is not until God had given me total freedom over those spirits, in the spiritual realm, that I realized how deep those wounds had gone. It is now, after all these years, that I truly understand that pain and suffering have crippled me. Though God has healed me and is healing me inwardly my natural man and my physical man need healing.

Sometimes I wonder why God uses words interchangeably. Let me explain. While I was sitting there removing those blades from my foot I realized something. Those blades were the weapons that Pain and Suffering used to stand between my 'heel' and my sole, or the bottom of my foot. Just as there was a separation in the dream so in the natural has there been a prevention. God doesn't want me to live in sorrow because my soul is in sorrow. Yet I have wondered for years why my healing has not arrived. Why do I remain crippled and unable to move forward into the calling God has for me? Why has the healing remained at large?

Let me explain a little deeper. A few months ago I dreamed that I came to a store where a kindly store owner allowed me to deal with some wounds that had crippled me. While I was in the store I saw a large group of people rushing by so I was given some crutches and hobbled out. I found I could not walk even with the crutches so God helped me fly.

I believe God was giving me spiritual insight into what is happening in my life at this moment. I did not understand until last night what the large group of people rushing by signified. It was a Stampede. Let me explain. Every year Calgary holds the Calgary Stampede for ten days in July. God was showing me that it was during the Stampede that I would come to realize a number of things. First that I was crippled by Satan or the spirits of pain and suffering. He was showing me how deeply I was crippled in the inner or natural man and also in the body or physical man. This crippling had gone on for so long that the wounds were not repairable in the natural. What God showed me is that I had literally done everything that I could do in the natural, meaning the left foot but that the right foot was beyond my means to heal.

Now some may think what I'm saying doesn't exactly sound Biblical. Why would God reveal these things and yet not heal me? Though I can't give a full answer I can explain what God was doing in my life. As He has told me dozens of times "First in the Spiritual then in the natural." God was healing me in the spiritual realm and though some may not see it the Spiritual realm is key to my healing in the natural. But before you can heal someone you have to first remove the hindrances that are standing in the way. Jesus talked about this in Matthew 12 and in Mark 3 about the strong man. One has to deal with him/them first.

In this case Satan and all of strong men have wounded me on every side. God had to give me power over them before He could start to deal with the wounds caused by them. I guess you could say that I am like millions of other Christians out there. One of the walking wounded. After all these endless months of battle the Lord has brought me into a relatively quiet place so that He could help me deal with the years of pain and suffering. He helped me see the deep cuts caused by Satan and helped me understand that the greatest and most crippling of wounds still have to be dealt with.

Yet why would God do this and show me such horrible things that have left me crippled and unable to move forward? I believe for two reasons. One is to show the terrible effects that sin had on my life. The terrible toll this has had on my sole(soul) and that I am finally at a place in my spiritual walk where God can and must intervene. And not intervene in a small way but intervene so that the heel(healing) is restored and reconnected to the soul.

It is not my intent to overplay the sympathy card. There are those who have suffered greater then I. Yet it is my pain and my suffering and it is those things I wish and pray above all things would be removed. I know that Satan has stolen and yet I also know that it is God who restores. How encouraging the story of Job. Despite his incredible story of loss the final chapter speaks of the restoration God had for him. There is hope that despite the length and breadth of our suffering, pain and sorrow that God does have a message for us that we are in His care and in His hands and He has NOT forgotten us. God shall heal me, God shall restore my soles so that I am healed and THEN He will help me fly. I do not think there are any better scriptures in the Bible to end on then from the book of Malachi. May God grant you healing as He's getting ready to do for me.

Malachi 4:1-3 1 For, behold, the day cometh, that shall burn as an oven; and all the proud, yea, and all that do wickedly, shall be stubble: and the day that cometh shall burn them up, saith the LORD of hosts, that it shall leave them neither root nor branch. 2 But unto you that fear my name shall the Sun of righteousness arise with healing in his wings; and ye shall go forth, and grow up as calves of the stall. 3 And ye shall tread down the wicked; for they shall be ashes under the soles of your feet in the day that I shall do this, saith the LORD of hosts.