I ain't dumb just a little speechless

July 13, 2004

Personal Narrations

Joel Akin

Calgary, Alberta

Isaiah 35:6 Then shall the lame man leap as an hart, and the tongue of the dumb sing: for in the wilderness shall waters break out, and streams in the desert.

The Dream-There are a group of us who have gathered together in the wilderness for survival purposes but food is scarce. One of my duties is to clean out the wood shed. Finally I am down to the last piece of wood in the corner and I discovered someone has hollowed out a small log and hidden in it old and burnt pieces of bread. The culprit begs me not to tell anyone about the hidden bread and I don't but the thief is soon found out anyway.

Burnt and old bread doesn't sound too appetizing and hiding it in things that are meant to be burnt up is a perfect place. Yet as I prayed about the meaning of this dream I could not really understand it. I know God has showed me more then once releasing to him the burdens (logs and wood) from my life. Now I find that there is but one piece of old wood left with worthless looking bread inside of it. It does not seem like the kind of bread anyone would want yet the thief went out of his way to hide it. Why?

Perhaps a better way to look at this question is to ask what kind of vessels we are? Are we vessels of honor or dishonor? Are we vessels that please God or is He constantly remaking us? When I think of where I am compared to where I was I see a world of difference. God has taught me so much over the last 10 months that I want to forget the past and throw it all away. Yet if the thief, Satan, wants me to hide the knowledge of this old and worthless looking bread should I not take a closer look at it?

Jesus said more then once "I am the bread of life." Yet is this what the bread in the hollowed out log represented? I know the log normally represents the works of the flesh that need to be burned up.

A better way to see this is to realize what my task in this dream was. The woodshed needs to be cleaned up. How many times have I put off cleaning out the basement, the garage, my truck or other areas of my life. Those things are in the natural. Yet just as there is natural junk so their is spiritual junk that needs cleaning. So in the process of cleaning the woodshed I find something that at first and even second glance seems to have no value. Yet is this old and burnt bread worthless? If it is why then did the thief make such an effort for me to remain silent?

Part of that answer has to do with the the fact we were in survival mode. Food was scarce and people were hungry. Yet that old and burnt bread had been hidden away in what everyone thought was a hollow log. Hollow usually signifies there is no core. What you see is what you get yet in that worthless log is hidden life.

How can these things be?

As I continued praying tonight God reminded me of how Satan had known from the time I was born there was a calling and anointing on my life. He set about a plan first to steal my message and then to steal my voice. As I think about the series of apparently random events in my life imagine my surprise when God showed me it was not random but planned attacks to destroy that specific corner of my life. The part that on the surface appears good only for burning but inside there is still a spark of life.

The loss of ones voice is not a minor event but which is greater? The lyrics of the song or the singer? The message or the messenger? The poem or the poet? Some find the words that I write powerful but one can't hear the cry in a voice that has been stolen. Or can they?

Recently my sister gave me a compliment though I didn't see it as such right away. She has read some of the articles I've written here and had stated "Its nice but it doesn't have the passion of your voice." You need to have a little background here. Though I cannot speak out loud I can whisper if the environment is quiet enough. Sis has come over many times to listen to me tell her of the things Gods been showing me. Yet always in the softest of whispers. Yet if that whisper has power enough to have her sit up and take notice even more then the things I write can I then say that whisper is fruitless and without life? The worthless looking bread hiding in the hollowed out husk of a log still has value if God says it has value.

God has indicated more then once He plans on restoring my voice and my message. I believe that the two are linked. Though I may be able to share my messages here one can't see me or hear the passion in my voice. Does it then make my message fruitless? Of course not. Yet I realize that just as the voice and message have more power so it is with my relationship with God. I can't fight this battle alone. Yet together there is no weapon that can prosper. My healing is coming. So I cling to that promise knowing God shall restore the song in my heart and the song on my lips.

In the dream we were gathered together in the wilderness. Often we don't see the wilderness as being the sort of place where great blessings can come. More then once I have pondered and asked "Why have we remained in the wilderness so long?" If God has an answer for us then why does it take so long for it to arrive? Sometimes the answers are not found in one generation but in the generations yet to be born. The Israelites did not make it to the promised land but their children did.

 When they asked John the Baptist who he was he said, "I am the voice of one crying from the wilderness." Yet even in the wilderness God has more then burnt and old bread for us. He desires more from me then just a dried up old voice. God wants us to have life. Fresh bread. Look for fresh bread to arrive even in the wilderness. Look for the lame to run, the dumb to sing, for springs to break forth from the wilderness and streams also. We are not meant to live on old manna. God has a fresh work for us. We can learn from the old but how wondrous it will be when that aroma of fresh bread reaches our nostrils. It is then that we shall dance and we will sing for what the Lord God has provided there in the wilderness.