A Pain in the "But Lord?"

July 9, 2004

Personal Narrations

Joel Akin

Calgary, Alberta

Luke 9:59 And (Jesus) said unto another, Follow me. But he said, Lord, suffer me first to go and bury my father. 

In a dream from May God showed me caught between two choices. One was the concern that I had for my mother and the other was doing the work that He was calling me to. God showed me that I had to leave behind even the ones that I loved the most and trust Him to care for them for me. Now you have to understand this dream in May was not the first time God had showed me this and warned me to release her to Him. In fact He showed me that this was the main area of my life that was holding me back. I had become a pain in the 'but Lord'. I finally had to sit down with my mom and verbally tell her I had to release her to Gods care with much sorrow on both sides before God took me seriously and began moving me forward.

If there is one area that holds more people back in their life with God it is the 'but Lord'. There is always someone or something in our lives that interjects itself again and again. I have a wonderful friend who desires to serve God but they live in absolute fear. I have known them for more then 20 years yet they always have 'someone' that they must care for first before they move forward. Yet in that time each one of their proverbial fathers dies and is buried yet they fill in that blank with another new father. How it must frustrate God to desire to use someone, anyone of us, yet we cast out opportunities like last weeks garbage.

So what causes us to turn our back on the great things God has in store for us? When you confront it, as God did with me, it seems absolutely ludicrous that I would turn down a chance to work with the God of all creation. Yet in my case I was ignoring the warning God gave me a few months earlier in a dream that seemed absolutely cruel. Again I was given a choice. The choice was to move forward in God while ignoring the cries of help behind me.

Oh what a web we have created for ourselves. An impossible interplay between those who demand our help and God who wants our all. And because we do not understand this we give our all to men and to women and then we claim we are giving our all to God. What a lie and yet the leaders of our church demand it, commend it and expect nothing less. And because we ask all of our leaders we do not understand why they burn and crash so spectacularly. And the leaders ask it of us.

Recently I heard a leader speak of a new Christian and their growth in spiritual things and their passion for God. I thought how wonderful until they said "Spending time with God alone is not as good for them as the time they spend in fellowship at church." Perhaps I should have questioned that statement but it was said so quickly and came and went in a flash. And yet I do not doubt it for I have had others tell me the same thing. That no matter how great my own walk with God and how close to God I got it was what I did for others that really mattered.

Yet is that statement true? Now here is where the confusion always sets in. Of course putting others first IS Gods plan for us. Yet this is what God has been teaching me and showing me in my own life that WAS the hindrance. It was my unwillingness to give up others to Him that was holding me back. It was my unwillingness to put Him first above ALL things that was again stopping me from moving forward. It was what I thought was best which kept me from seeing the truth.

Luke 10:40-42 40 But Martha was cumbered about much serving, and came to him, and said, Lord, dost thou not care that my sister hath left me to serve alone? bid her therefore that she help me. 41 And Jesus answered and said unto her, Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things: 42 But one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her.

You can spend your whole life being in service to others but who are you really serving? God is teaching me an entirely new way of seeing things and eventually He is going to have me teach about it. I can give a hint in that it is all about putting on His nature as opposed to our sin nature. Our sin nature, our will, our stubbornness in how we should direct and guide our life. You see no matter how much we desire to do things for God anything we do for Him based on our understanding and our wisdom is so much garbage. That may not sound like kind teaching based on love but it is.

You see the closer I get to God the more I realize what Jesus was saying when he stated "let the dead bury their dead." Only one man can free us from death and that is Christ. Yet not only spiritually but from physical death as well.

In a dream my mother had she walked into a store where there were many great and precious things from this world. Yet none of those things held her interest. But the store owner was providing lamb as well. He told her the blood was free but the meat would cost her.

The understanding of that is so profound. The blood of Christ provided us with Salvation and He paid the price for all of our sins. But if you want the meat, a deeper walk with God, you are going to have to pay for it. That payment means you have to give of yourself. And the more you give the greater the cost to you in time and in commitment. What I say may sound almost sacrilegious but listen carefully for it is the key to everything.

Stop putting people first. Stop putting church first. Stop putting work first. Put God first and then see the changes He will start to make in your life.