Endless Rows of Wisdom

June 24, 2004

Personal Narrations

Joel Akin

Calgary, Alberta

1 Kings 4:29 And God gave Solomon wisdom and understanding exceeding much, and largeness of heart, even as the sand that is on the sea shore. In an early morning dream I found myself sitting in the back seat of a car, next to the left window. There were 5 other people with me. I could not see the driver but I knew our destination was Odessa, Wisconsin. (There is no Odessa, WI though there are such places in 5 states, Canada and the Ukraine)and the driver said we would arrive 4 hours after midnight. I could tell by the sun that it was early evening. Frankly I was very uncomfortable and there was so little room to maneuver. When I put on a sweater I had to have help. The thought of the long journey ahead did not encourage me so I spent my time watching endless rows of corn and hundreds of barns and bins for the harvest of those ears.

 When God puts us on a journey it is often the hardest thing in the world to deal with. How often have I wished that I could just get there without all the waiting, all the struggling, the feeling of confinement. It seems most of our lives are spent in the longing for a better day. I have felt that way for years because of my multiple disabilities. Each time I get discouraged God will speak to me and give me a word, or a dream. And those dreams always seem to point to a specific point in time when I will 'arrive'. For example God had showed me that I would come to a time when the foundation He was building in me would be finished. He gave me hints of the time period involved by saying that it would be as if He were re-birthing me or remaking me. Such a process takes 9 months but it was not until the very day had come that I realized there had indeed been a change. May 27, 2004 was exactly 9 months after the stroke-like event that left me disabled even more severely then I already was. And on that day God began to take away the severe head pain which I had endured.

 Still, I live in a world of silence. Mostly anyway with my voice still 90% gone. My dreams lately show me searching for a way out. Feeling confined by my longing to see the world. The desire to travel and go places. For example in a dream from a few days ago I was trapped in a school. Yet through the boarded up windows I could see the ocean and the beach. I tried to escape but instead became trapped in the screen from the door.

So last night in prayer I asked God, "When will I be released?" This is perhaps the hardest question of all because I still find myself wanting to submit to the popular thinking of this age such as "Have you taken your healing" or "Have you stepped out in faith". Yet God is indicating to me clearly this is not something I can do for myself while I am on the journey and before His work is completely finished in me.

 And that brings me to the purpose of this journey. For around me was endless rows of corn and endless barns and storage bins. What God is showing me is that corn represents wisdom and storage of it signifies wisdom I will have with me always. How often have I wanted to hurry the journey but what God is showing me is that there is wisdom IN the journey. Endless quantities of wisdom if I will be take time to see, to hear, to listen. I know this in my heart that there is the wisdom which comes hard in the suffering and in the pain. Yet there is also understanding that comes in the journey if I will but take heed. God has set a time for my arrival. He has chosen a date, a place, a location. I can fight this journey and bury my head and sleep. Or I can take notice of the ears of corn and ask God to show me the meaning and store it up for me for when hard times come. For as there were sands on the seashore so is there wisdom to those who will listen carefully to the words of the Lord.

I know this is not a journey I am taking alone. There are others that are also searching and seeking for that place God has chosen for them. It is a long journey and even when we arrive there will still be battles. But as I look at the corn I realize something else. That not all of it is ready or ripe for harvest or for storing away. And if I stop here and demand to get off I will still have to wait. But in stopping I find myself no closer and perhaps even further away from the place God has for me.

So what is midnight? I have thought about this and in my mind it is a time and place of change. A serious change and a critical one. So what changes do I forsee in my future? My birthday which is coming up June 30th. I also know on June 30th the Americans pass Iraq back to its people. One can also see Midnight as a time of darkness. So four hours after midnight would be in that time just before dawn. As in most dreams it is hard to tell if this dream is intended just for myself or for others. Yet I know eventually there will be a time when God will send me forth to share some of that wisdom. So perhaps if darkness does come it may produce hunger in others for the light of Gods word.