Just Talking with God

March 8, 2004

Personal Narrations

Joel Akin

Calgary, Alberta

I've been under severe attack as never before. I did not know what it was only that God said it was spiritual in nature. Yesterday morning he finally gave me an incredible answer.

I believe God has said destruction is coming even though it appears to have held off for now. Why? I don't know. But in yesterdays dream I was fighting off an evil angel more then 3 stories tall. It tried attacking me but could not win so began to go after my brother. I fought on his behalf and eventually the angel let go. I didn't understand it so I asked God. God told me this was the spirit(angel) of destruction that had begun to walk the earth. But before he could begin his destruction he had to deal with the present stronghold or in this case me. I did not understand this at first and asked why me. And God said because this is and has been my calling. To prepare for coming destruction. And because I have prayed consistently for more then six months God has made of me a stronghold on earth.

 First a little history. Yesterday truly was one of the worst days of my life. I was ready to give up. I had the dream but I didn't understand it. I was ready to throw in the towel because I could not see why I was still suffering. I wanted to find a pill that would let me go to sleep and wake up when all the suffering was over with. A dangerous thought I know. So God prompted me to go down to my bed and pray. And He began to speak to me about the dream and explained that this evil angel has been the one fighting me for the last few weeks not only for my sake but for my families sake. It was his intention to destroy my brother and his family in every area of their lives except their very life. Why? Because he could not attack me directly he went after the ones I love. But God said because you refused to give up in prayer you overcome and won the victory.

IN the space of 30 minutes of conversing with God I went from days of depression to a feeling of incredible wonder and awe. Especially when God said this spirit is now released on the earth. Last night God gave me the simplest of revelations. I was marveling at what I had learned simply by talking with God. Frankly I was and am mystified by prayer and its power. God reminded me of my past conversations with various friends which often lasted for hours. He mentioned how I enjoyed those times but how they never brought about lasting change in my spirit. But time spent with Him does.

Here I was being reminded of my life over the last six months. How I fought against the changes in some ways but submitted myself to God. But to be honest I did not really see it that way while I was going through it. More often then not God would suggest something like , "Make a choice" or "say 'I love myself' when I was hating myself. Every step of the way God has guided me often without my knowledge. How? Simply by talking with Him day after day. And it hit me last night that's all I was doing. I was not shouting or screaming or anything else. Just having an everyday conversation with God about life and dreams and hopes. How can THAT change me or my circumstances? It was as if two friends get together and talk everyday.

Now we are getting into something really deep because there was a reason God allowed my voice to be taken away. A reason why I could no longer travel. A reason why I could not do anything physical beyond the basic and most simple things. I was brought to the very point of nothingness so I was left with one friend and one friend only. God.

God has made it happen so only HE can do anything significant in my life. It has not been easy but I can see the wisdom of it. Imagine my healing comes and God begins to open resources. And with it come men with their human ways of doing things. Suddenly you have someone who has spent six months plus with God on the mountain top. And God is telling me how to move and act and have my being. Talk about a clash of cultures. No psychology or human tripe nor worrying about what people think.