The Choices we all make

January 2005

Dream Narrations

Joel Akin

Calgary, Alberta

 Job 33:15 In a dream, in a vision of the night, when deep sleep falleth upon men, in slumberings upon the bed

The Following is a dream with my own thoughts at the end.

 It was night time and I was next to a city street sitting in a chair. To my left was one of those basement bungalows' with glass doors and I could see a number of older women, one of them giving me a frown, and a couple young women walking around. I was friends with the two young women but one had captured my heart. It was late and I was feeling lonely and the few stars I could see overhead were not comforting me. Finally the young woman that I really loved came out and sat down in a chair to my left. I looked at her and I felt like I would burst out with emotions beyond the mere expression of words. She shook her curly dark hair which outlines her fine features carved like alabaster.

 I wanted to tell her how I loved her smile, her lips, her laughing eyes, her hair which looked so soft. How could I chose, how could I say words that would express love in any way that would make sense.

 She turned edgewise in her chair. "Can I do anything for you tonight?"

 I knew she spoke from purity but also offering her heart to me. I longed to reach over and put my arm around her and ask her to hold me tightly and never let me go but I held myself back. I knew this was a turning point in our relationship. What I did now, at this moment would determine the decisions I made the rest of my life.

I held back my thoughts and returned my gaze to the stars and then closed my eyes.

Suddenly I awoke and I was no longer in the city but in a building somewhere. The older women and many others were there. I was at a table with a white tablecloth. It was empty of food. Suddenly the woman I loved was staring at me with concern in her eyes from across this long table. "What's wrong darling?"

 She reached out and touched the top of my right hand. It left me amazed at her words and dumbstruck that her hand reached out to touch mine with such love. How can a mere touch express and explain love so clearly?

 I began to look around with confusion as well because I was somewhere else. The room around me reminded me of a large church basement as there were other tables and other people milling around. I realized it must be some kind of Christian community. There were some people around me that I recognized. There was my dad chatting with an older couple. There was the older women who had frowned at me earlier now looking at me with smiles. It was so strange. I appeared to be in a world where everything had gone topsy turvy and all I dreamed of had come to pass.

 For a time I did not say anything but the woman I loved sensed something was wrong. I have never known such love as I've known with this woman. It was as if she knew my thoughts and knew my heart so finally I shared with her that I did not belong here. This was not my place. I thought she would misunderstand but she only asked more questions.

She believed me and soon there was medical people and scientists coming around and talking to me. I told them I did not belong in this reality. That this was not the way things should be.

As it turned out they had the ability to send me back to the world where I belonged and the day came when I had my final conversation with the one I loved. She asked me if there was one of her in my reality and I told her yes. She asked me the question I had dreaded. "Did you love her..."

 "I had chosen not to pursue the relationship so that I might put God first."

 She seemed quiet about that for a long time and finally said, "You have to do what you believe is right."

The doctors laid me down on a gurney in this room. Behind me was a long shelf with many things you'd find in a doctors office. They pulled up a star-trek like machine and it covered the top of me but not the sides.

All the doctors left leaving only dad who had wanted to be there for me. "I'm scared" I told him. He reached out and grabbed my hand.

I heard the distant sound of the doctor as he began the twenty second coundown. The lights dimmed. The seconds ticked back and the lights grew dimmer and I felt myself fading away. All became dark. Suddenly I found myself standing in a room next to where I saw dad holding my hand as that "me" faded away. The woman I loved clutched me so tightly her hands whitened. She could not watch and hid her head against my back. Finally the countdown stopped, the room became dark and the "me" I might have been faded away.

*** In Every life we are given choices. God showed me the path that might have been, the desert road I did not follow. For in that road there could be no time for a womans love. Such a man is stronger then me, stronger then leaders and kings. I chose human love and God showed me what will be. That love and romance shall be mine. The desert road is gone and the garden road lies before me. This is the road that I have chose and for this I thank God for his mercy.

I do not envy this 'me' I might have been. For this is the path he has chosen. Deuteronomy 32:10 He found him in a desert land, and in the waste howling wilderness; he led him about, he instructed him, he kept him as the apple of his eye.

But of such a man I feel only awe and if there is such a reality where such men live they shall truly walk with God.