The Sound of Silence

Personal Narration

November 9, 2005

JTA

There is a story told long ago. I will try to remember some of the details if I may. We speak of stories that have reached us by rumor and perhaps this one was. It is a story of love and love stories always have a happy ending. But what do you do when all your friends get cookies and the box is empty when it reaches you. Do they share parts of theirs with you? All too often the cookie crumbs become your solace in life. And having crumbs may seem a bad thing but not always

 If time had a wound it would be the sorrow of sin. All of us carry its weight inside of us in some way. For some it is the loss of a child, for another the sorrow of a marriage breakup. For another the loss of a close friend. I know that wounds like these are not easy to deal with. They are wounds in our side, our heart. To are constantly draining us and stealing our joy.

I have often wondered if there is something in us that keeps us from rising up to overcome the deepest of the wounds. Is it lack of faith, anger, frustration, fear or just another of times wounds.

If I had a childhood memory that stood out they always seemed to have their bad side. Getting beaten, almost starting a forest fire, almost drowning, getting spanked, being extremely shy. It was a world I didn't invent but a world that invented me. It turned me whichever way it desired and pulled me into the sorrows so deeply that even now as an adult I still see their raw wounds. Yet we all have those deep wounds and all of are bearing marks of some kind. I guess the real question here is are these the marks God wants us to bear?

Over this last year my life roots were torn up and pulled out and planted in various places that would not sustain me. I found during this time everything I found comfortable was broken up and torn out from me. It wasn't an easy time but I can see that there is a lot of pain I still see. On one hand I find myself moving forward, sometimes quickly, pushing with my website, organizing aspects of my life so I see a clear direction.

Yet my prayer life can be called the equivalent of a tornado, flood and anchor was lifted from my life. Like Job I am literally clinging by the skin of my teeth by faith. I can't see, touch or hear God clearly like I used to. God shared with me again and again if there is ever a problem between us its never me at fault but you. So for 8-9 months now I have analyzed and cried out to God for direction and focus. What is that 'sin' in my life that is holding me back? I don't have a clear answer and all I can say is that if it is sin it is one I am blind to. Like Job maybe there is pride, or so we say of him. All I know is that I need help and I need direction and focus. I need healing of mind, body and spirit. I need someone to hold me and hug me once in a while. I need something the world can't give and that is hope. I need and I can't deny that any longer. I need help.

Then there is a light I see and it shines it shines from the gates that hold back hell and the grave and they throw away the words above that hurt and hinder and twist the truth for they are the words of darkness and darkness is the realm of Satan. Sometimes the men on earth want you to live a world apart and a world of shame and a world of darkness but not one wants you to live alone in sorrow. It is the sorrow of the heart we understand is the part of us that helps us grow. For in the sorrow of the heart we begin to understand that live really does suck. And I don't use that word often just when I'm trying to get my life back together by prayer and hope and joy and love of life. It is the love of life I need and the love of lies to which I need to cast aside. The love of lies is the future of darkness and the future of darkness is her gravestone. I think we must know that you are a foolish people when you let darkness ride upon your shoulders and pray that you will overcome by prayer and supplication with sayings of praise in your heart. Don't let darkness have its way in your thoughts but let the Lord Jesus Christ have a fare share of your time by lifting him up in prayer. He will help you in your walk with him and will help you overcome the darkness of this world and its desires as they are. The world hates us and we are hated by the world but there is coming a day when all the worlds that exist will be ours and all the dreams we have will have been fulfilled but don't fear for they are the things that must be so that God might destroy the world and remake it in His image and joy of life based on the desires he has given us. He is the King of Rightiousness and the King of Glory and the King of Honor that holds you in His hands so hold fast to his love and to his joy and to his help. There is never a time when you are alone and never a time when you are forgotten and need to write these things as if they were the truth to the gospel of Jesus Christ.