Sinking into the snore of life

April 23, 2007

Joel Akin

 What is a snore on the Richter scale? If I snored and people rated it they might put it about a 7.5. That is my guess from the perspective of life. After all a 7.5 could end a city or even a country. And who would hear me if I sank into the snore of life? After all we would not a person to snore in the earth. Why if I were sleeping beauty and that would be hard to imagine as a guy who weighs in with the Sumo half a be's. Well, I don't weigh quite half. Unless you think around 275 is big. Of course twice that takes me into the Sumo range so if I were a snoring person then I would be loud.

Lets just say when I was skinny I snored just as loud. I snored loudly as a child. I snored loudly my whole life.

So what would happen if you were my angel sent to watch over me. Would you listen for the snore or would you follow me around until I fell asleep and then prayed for ear plugs each night? Well, thankfully there must be a reason why God created a spirit realm. And if Heaven really is called a place of rest then maybe its because there was too much sleeping going on earth. And we who sleep wanted rest but God said "I'll give you a dream." And so we dreamt and maybe when we dreamt we didn't snore quite so thunderously.

Now there was a time when I traveled with a group of preachers to a conference. And somehow I ended up in a room full of them. People who are reputed to be thunderous in ways similar to me. Somehow I ended up being the one who thundered loudest. And if there was a commandment not to kill it did save my life that night. For those who sought for a place of rest searched in vain that night. And if blood was of the vein then I had a rest which others sought.

So thunderous noise is my gift. And as a gift it does have a dark side I'll call Apnea. Now if Apnea were a woman she'd be the one who poked me in the ribs. And if Adam snored it is possible that God had to take out a rib before he found a wife. And if I was born with the rib intact then God knew I could not bear a wife. And if I bore one she was mesmerized by my sleep. And she would complain to Almighty God and say "This man sleeps. But when he sleeps he snores. God, what do I do?"

And God being the quiet type would say "Let there be....and he puzzled over the finish of it until in a moment of inspiration he said "Life".

And so Wisdom had to become Apnea because if she were meant to be of the rib and meant to be of the woman she would be Apnea. Now Apnea sounds horrible and perhaps it is. After all Apnea is reputed to live in the basal ganglia. And that sounds like a plant if there ever was one. And of course if basal were a plant I'm sure you would have heard of it.

Now whoever created Apnea did so with Wisdom. And if I quote that it is because Wisdom is the only one with the sense of humor dark enough to carry on day after day with a poke every 52 seconds to wake me up. "Darling, your snoring again." And if Apnea wasn't about sleep but about life then it would be Wisdom who would make me hold my breath and then go back to a peaceful sleep.

Now I have heard other men suffer with dear Apnea. Of course there is Wisdom and then there is trouble. So men, listen carefully, if you suffer with Apnea then remember she is of the rib. Now the rib can kill or it can kiss you with life. So ask God to send you to Heaven for a place of rest. There God takes out Apnea and puts in rest.

Well, I did say it. For God really doesn't want us to suffer. He knows that we sleep and sleeping with a woman like Apnea isn't the best way to sleep. And since I thought I was alone and thought my rib was like Adam I didn't know why God called it a cage. Because if it was a cage and it was a rib God took then maybe it was the only way for the woman to escape. And if God had to help someone like Eve escape then it was from the cage. And if God had a sleeping potion he gave to Adam maybe it was called sleep with basal. And if basal was of Wisdom then poor Adam had to endure a poke in the rib. Now of course the poke in the rib could be slow or fast or just a pig. Because the rib was the only one which helped Adam. She was the only help he had. And if he was a pig then she helped him insert the rib back in place with a poke. And if he was slow she did the same. And if he didn't function quite normally at social affairs he got the rib poke back. And so it went for all time that women have been trying to put back the rib. Of course none of them realized why God made L Bows. And it was an elbow not an l bow. God wanted me to know that el bow made to bend with God. And so a woman was there to bend her bow and poke him with an arrow in the one place a man could not stand. The empty place on the side. And that was the place where God took the woman from. She went into the cage and she cried out "God, give me vengeance."

So God gave her vengeance and Wisdom said "I'll help." And so she took in the breath and there was a poke and she said "Now breath!" And of course she said "I'm just helping God." And if you are a careful study of scripture you will learn that God made the universe with wisdom. Of course that small wisdom was because God is God and when he made Wisdom he said "Listen, I have a man for you if you promise not to poke him in the ribs."

So she smiled and agreed and said "I'll just be part of his breath for awhile." And so she said "God, mind if I be Apnea?" And of course people think Apnea was a curse but in reality she was a blessing. It seems that some of us are sleeping so loud that if not for the Apnea we might tear out a lung. It is because those with Apnea are those who like to sleep. And some sleep and some sleep loud. And Apnea is there to help us wake up. And if she thinks I thunder then she knows its because I am a loud, loud shake. And that shake is part of Apnea also. She doesn't mean to make us shake but she does so because we are part of the story of things to come. And perhaps if the nation or the person who reads this smiles then it might be because I fight and I pray and I seek God for help. And Apnea isn't meant to be a curse. Some men wake up often not because of Apnea but because of breath. Apnea is there to poke us in the ribs and it is there where the cage used to be. She was the one who helped us breath. And in breathing we became part of the story but not the whole of it.

For in breath there is life and in life there is a woman named  Eve. She was taken from the breath of man and she is meant to return to him with life. She comes to him and gives him a poke and then he cries just a little. She gives him a kiss and he gives her a kiss and before you know it the cry is in her. And she gives him a kiss and he gives her a kiss and before you know it she is wailing. And then before you know it the wail turns into a whale named Joel. And he comes in at a whopping 10 pounds 10 ounces. And he is big. And that was me as a child. Of course I speak of Adam and Eve for they were my great grandparents very far removed. Some day I'll give Eve a kiss and maybe Adam will poke her in the rib cage. And she'll look and think "Maybe I had one too many kids." After all we all came to be through Eve. And she was the one who said "Give him a break."

And so if I speak a little prophetically remember that Jesus bore a scar on his side. He died with it. It was his life which brought forth life. And if Adam came and brought forth life it was his wife. And if Jesus bore a scar in his side and out came water and out came blood then he bore the pain of the bride. And the bride wasn't just of his heart but of his life. For he wanted to find someone to love. And so he became the second Adam. And he came to life and came to love and came to give her a kiss.