The world of life after per

January 12, 2008

Joel Akin

 I guess I have to confess that for lunch I pigged out on a sack of onion rings and two single burgers. I thought I wouldn't want them but it felt right.

 Now if I overeat by a burger and half a bag of rings is that sin or just the cry of a body for something that isn't in my diet? After all I feel as if no one in Calgary is talking about hydrogen. That being the fault of an industry named Crisco who invented a way of preserving oil by adding it. Today it took on the label of hydrogenation and that is the evil which is making people fat. Of course it is the evil but not of fat. It is the lie of this age and no one out there is talking about it.

 Now I am not one to borrow a phrase from tomorrow but I need some serious help. Not because of the burgers which were delicious but because of time. I am into this critical war now for 3 years. I said when it reached January that it really start.

 Now I have been trying to keep busy but I can't seem to get motivated. I hurt and I ache and I suffer. I can't seem to get enough sleep and when I lie down I get wired. If I try to get up I get tired. If I force myself to do things I feel as if I'm diving into a battle and I'm the only one fighting. I give up. At least in the physical.

So what do I do with my strength? To be honest I prepare myself for war. For in one hour I can wend and wane all of my strength in one battle for the day. And when its over I don't want to do anything but veg or sometimes write. And that is the way life is for me.

So why complain? Because time is moving and I see no answer. I pray and hear "Trust" and the door will happen but when? I ask that with some energy and cry for help. I know God is preparing me. I know God is helping me in this war. I hear things move forward each time I pray. And each time I wonder "How many wars are there?" For each time the war keeps on going.

 The problem is that I am not out of the vegetative state. I am in war with a spirit who fights with battle for vat. Vat is the fat of the land. And the fat of the land is the vat of time.

 When I am lead by God He shows me things. He shows me where battles are and where battles form. In those things I find I am in the right side. I may have spiritual sides which form but in the right of it I am in the right. Yet the valley of it is the shadow of life and death. That shadow is so severe I am wore out. And I am in prayer for God to heal me of some of it so I can have motivation to do. Right now I sit and I pray. And that is the gist of strength. And when I feel up to something it is a chance to get out and not have to face my walls. Not that I hate things but I collect and I find and I see and I use what I can. And I enjoy things but this wage is also over technology.

Lets put it into perspective. Imagine that I were on a path through time. I collect technology only it outlives its use. I find no one out there wants it because it is old. By the time I get it people are already onto something else. Like DVD's. I have old ones but now I see they have something called High Definition DVD's and Blue-Ray. What these are I'm not sure but they are very expensive. So what are they for? I find they are for living with those things as hope for a new tomorrow where everything is paid for or bought but we have choice for more.

Now I don't curse what I have but I have no home to really put them. So I am at a close as far as the use of how I use things. I can't really keep moving in more stuff and to put them into storage is up to $1,000 plus a year. For that I would sell things and move on. That is if I could for most of what I have is the concentric skills of the hunter who bags a trophy. Unfortunately he has to find a fit place for those things because people don't want it in their house. Now books are mainly what I have and people like them but I am liberal in my desire to have them. And they are the joy of search and find.

So what is the issue? It isn't that I give up but that I long to find a home. A few months away from 50 and I am still without. And if wanting is a sin then the world seems to see it as fit to tell me to be happy without. After all to have is to hold and to hold is to beg or steal to pay for it. I make enough to live on with my parents as the keystone. Yet if I were to become a man in the valley or battle I am to find a home where I can rest and rejoice in it.

The question is more then how but one of time. Time is a spirit and it is a spirit that sleeps. It is the valley of death for it but the battle of time, at least for me. I am growing up inside and out with battle fatigue. I am wearing out. I could go on if the door were to open for help but the help I get is spirit based and that is of God. Of course he provides help via the Spirit but for sake of brevity I said spirit.

Now the point of life is to find help but how? I can't tell people I'm battling for earth. They would laugh. I have tried to write it a number of times but people see it as a joke. Most can't imagine a man of prayer could do that. After all better to be put in my place as far as situation of prayer goes. I seem to remember a recent dream regarding that. No one wants a guy to be more then he thinks or he pretends.

Now if I am on the right path and writing this then I am on the right path with God. God knows I want a home. He has pardoned the sea for helping me fight but not having faith for this. The sea is the valley and they are the war. They are those who have hope to a degree but battle over schematics of lie and counter lie. They are the bill of protest and the corpse of diem.

Now the sea is the valley of death. It is the valley that I lie. I lie in the sense of war. The war is the matter of lie for if I fight with sin they are the battle over it in lee. For if the battle is of the sea and the lie then who is the war over? The war is over the sea of time.

 Now the sea of lie is the battle over Sin and Time and Evil big but there is a small glance off the bottom. That is where people gather. They gather in home and in feature vision waiting for me to leave. They leave me to be the battle of mind. Now if I am ill some think I might not last forever. So one day they will find me gone.

Now that might not make sense to most but I've come near death on a number of occasions. Those occasions make me weak and I am wore down to the nib. I have strength to write but that is when nothing but a few brain cells and your wrists move.

The battle over the sea is like the tree and the fox. The fox is the one who wants cover under a root. The tree is the lie of Sin also so he is the bear. He lives in a part of the tree called the hollow. The fox isn't seen but is known of by the bear and the grumpy bear wants the tree to himself. He finds the fox a nuisance.

Now I am like a bear or a fox depending on who you ask. If you ask Sin he'll say I'm a bear. If you ask the fox? Well, that could be the day of Herod but lets say I'm like a good fox.

The point is that I can't get an answer to prayer. I prayer with faith each day. I pray with hope. I pray because I have nothing else I can do.

Yet if this goes on another month passes. Then another. Then another and so on down the line until maybe another year of war is gone.

What then is the battle for? If I fight until death then what is the life I fight for? If I fight until I have overcome death and Sin and evil and yet I still war then who is the fortunate person to inherit my prayer? For if I inherit a huge fortune do I have to wait until Heaven to receive?

The point of prayer is to give and so I give in prayer to the Lord. I give to my family. I give to the Lord in season of prayer. Yet the valley of death is the shadow of it according to various degrees. If the degrees are true then the valley is where the ark is. The valley is where the point of life is. The valley is where life would begin for me if I could see. The problem with absolute dark is that it is why I fight. It is the valley where one cannot see.

When David went into the valley of the shadow of death it was night and dark. It was there where many fell. It was there where many lost their lives to the sin of sore wind or a battle over the dark sin of time.

Yet David didn't give up. He walked through and when he came through he found he was still whole. And when he came to the price of the life of the cross he found he was in need of faith. For faith is what people in the hereafter want. They want it more then money or wealth.

The fact is I have it in full. That is the battle for the age of men also. For faith is the hope of things seen and things unseen. I have the knowledge which gives me hope. I have the ability to see and to curse the evil that thrives in this world. And so the battle of time is the battle to will and to fight for life with men.

Now I am not angry and anger isn't there but I am why of late. And why of late is when I find I can't speak to a person without sounding angry. I am in the battle and in the sea and in the lee without a wail to cry out with. For the will of men is to find a way of speaking but the will of me is to find a way of living.

So if I can I could speak to my father and say "Lets move to Michigan" and he might listen. But if he thought of his wellness vs the health issue he would remain where he is. The battle is one of time and faith and life. For if one gets sick in the states without insurance they go broke. And so the battle over it is the state of time vs life. For a broken toe vs a broken foot is a big difference.

So here is the valley of it; find a home where the heart is. Find a pattern of it in the valley. Find a home where the family is but give them a will to see. That is tell them "If you visit don't come in these time zones". And they will value time to the degree they will not show up after 5.

Now the value of time is to see and to see is to value. So if I am to live in Calgary I need help. So here is the value of time. Pray. Pray for it and ask God for a clear help. For God is not small concerning His promises. He has gained all and given what we will call all. Only the all of it is the awl of a scoop in the tree. It doesn't help the bear or the fox but it might if they can figure out where the food of the tree is.

So the value of prayer in the battle of time is to give more to the prayer then just silence waiting for God to speak. Of course I could be off but if so I'll wait for it. That is I'll wait for God to speak.