Seeking Solace Lifeboat 2010

The halt of life to a bare and almost minimum of life in the land of thought

January 19, 2010

Joel Akin

  Once I could write down the lock of life in a way I understood by prayer. I could hear God interpret a dream and the dream would mean something. Now I lie in bed and I feel awake, but the world of dreams feels upwardly a plea to a sky that is hard and perhaps like brass while below there is a line and on it a wall so hard that nothing I do seems to be of life. I ask in the dream “Is there where I am meant to die?” and it is the thought because there is no movement on the line and nothing there that does anything but wait for life to absorb it and take away the impossible bit of me that is left.

 Then below that is the awkward layer of what is memories but they seem dead and unmoving and the world knows life but I know nothing. I come to nothing and if men set me up from the beginning they put me in a place where nothing would exist or move or breathe or hope...

I am as close to dead as possible in the world of dreams. If I die further I die and if I live further I see it only by me dying further and that is because someone came and stole away life and took it and broke it and took it and broke it until I ask if I am meant to go on and I ask God “Is the part where I die?”

Of course to reach this is the worth of men and men hold men to suffering and they fall to the sea and fall to the heart of life only to see it begin to fail. They see it is the heart they built and like all things built by men the house of man is one which holds onto the least bit of dreams and the least bit of hope and the least bit of desire out there and that is the bit of life called hope. and hope is the dream of men who know how to keep on going even when they are dead to life and that is life in impossible situations and in impossible bits of life that are left to work with.

In my case the world seems to have left me two parts of life which are there as contrary bits. They exist but if they move they are there to devour me and I find nothing in this world is happiness or hope just pain.

The point of life is that I sought in the dream world or vision a way of escape. I remembered another dream which showed me escaping when I was able to push off the dead body and that included this morning when I wondered in the dream if this is part of the story of the dead man in the other dream who was really a part of me.

Having been to the moon I guess perhaps in a dream but the fact is that no one knows the story that I have in full. It is a real tale and one in which I fell into the looking glass but not of Alice. Instead I fell into a realm where there was an introducing me step by step to war. I fell to their whim and I fell so hard that they built a defense forever and ever and ever so it could hold me with amazing questions but I bypassed it all to write to God each day and to write in prayer and to write with life of what could be or what might be.

I held up the value of life and I held it up inside as well. I had a point of life and I had a point for life but I found it being taken away because I sought God and if that is proof of evil then evil held me down in a thousand different ways of life and life in the sea.

I became a man who could not find a way of stopping it but I continued on without end and I held on to the point of time that I thought that it was the course of change in the future.

I carried the hurt and I carried the soul and I carried the whip and the hurt of it on me each day. It was a whip that stole me and took me away from the help of anything and no one remained behind to take me into new things at all.

I became a man who prayed and sought God but last night I held my soul up to war and I was carried into  a place where men were fighting in hardness in such a way that it took me into their walk. I heard them as if they were there and thought I fought it with sleeping pills I took double the usual amount and still it didn’t stop enough of what was happening to make a difference.

I came to a war of sleep and yesterday was war in sleep and today is tiredness so deep I keep drifting off into it, a realm of sleep or a realm of tiredness but the war of wars is there but in a dream.

why is the world not caring for me? Why is the church not hearing what I write or say? Why do people think that the will of God is to suffer to the point of death when no one will aid me on this world I call the grave?

If earth had a dump and if the dump had a place of life it was there in the dump until they came and sterilized it. Then they broke open the will of the future and set about to sterilize it as well because God put there something he wanted. They knew what it was and they set about to destroy it and that is me and they wanted me dead and wanted it to the point of hiring someone who knew what I was and set to destroy that connection of life.

The point is that it fell apart and the system fell and the system was destroyed and it was destroyed because it became a cast into the future and they destroyed it over and over and over and over until God had me safe. It was safe that was hard and hard meant no dreams but it was the hardness of creation because men had fell over and over and over to the bruise of a dark and vile spirit and that spirit was the sin nature of all things but the house of God.

The story is that God sees me born up into life anew and that is life without worry or concern over people who are hurters or burners or stealers or liars and those who lie do so with or without music.

Thus God held me to the final blow and that is the stack of life or death so that men must choose and choose and choose.

This is why this article is perhaps an odd one but if you see it you are surviving and that is the price of a pocket of life in the sea and a pocket of life in the deep and a pocket of life in the sea but with time.

I guess that is the house of time and the house of time is the bill and the sea rising up to take on freedom. And freedom is part of the story of the waving flag and the hope of a dream and the hope of a story yet to come.